Porn Promises Sexual Intimacy Without Relationship
On the corner of a major intersection in Denver, a prominent billboard advertises an adult store selling porn DVDs. Its message is short and sweet: “Cheaper Than Dating!”
It may seem funny or clever at first, but the message couldn’t be any clearer: Are you looking for sexual satisfaction? Do you desire sexual pleasure? Don’t even bother with a real woman. Just satisfy your appetite from our all-youcan-eat buffet of endless sexual variety. Satisfaction guaranteed with the click of your remote control.
The first time I saw this billboard, I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry, mostly because it hit so close to home. One of my claims to fame in high school was that I never went to a dance and never went on a date. No homecoming dance. No winter ball. No prom. Once, a girl I actually had a crush on asked me to a dance. I wanted to go with her, but I lied and told her I was busy.
I didn’t turn her down because I wasn’t attracted to girls or to her in particular—as I mentioned, I had a crush on her.
I was simply too terrified to move toward a girl with any kind of passion.
Unwilling to put my budding masculine strength on the line by pursuing any kind of romantic involvement, I played the role of the safe guy. One of the guys who could relate to girls as a friend, make them laugh, but never be expected to move toward them romantically.
As long as I was the safe guy, I could have my cake and eat it too.
A few times in high school I got close to pursuing girls I liked. But just when my confidence reached a certain point, I would find myself inescapably drawn to porn. I would masturbate, and then I would ultimately lose any sense of confidence that I had anything to offer a woman.
With my regular intake of soul steroids, I steadily chipped away at my manhood, convincing myself that I didn’t need a girlfriend. Even though, deep inside, I desperately longed for one.
This is the cruel irony of porn: it creates the semblance of relationship but leaves us relationally empty. It constructs the facade of human connection but leaves us detached and disconnected. It awakens our longing to know and be known until once again we discover it was all an illusion.
[bctt tweet=”This is the cruel irony of porn: it creates the semblance of relationship but leaves us relationally empty. It constructs the facade of human connection but leaves us detached and disconnected.”]
Porn may be cheaper than dating. But the price porn exacts on the human heart is steep. In the next three blog posts I will continue to discuss the broken promises behind every porn addiction.
Question: In what ways has a struggle with lust or porn kept you away from the relationships you’ve longed for?
Adapted from Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle, Michael John Cusick, p. 16-24, Thomas Nelson (2012)