Comfort and Care Without Depending on Others
Raymond was a single seminary student who came to see me because he was tired of pretending. A charismatic and respected leader on campus, he would never be suspected of spending more than five hours every day involved in porn and cybersex.
When we met, he wondered if he was even a Christian. Years of battling lust had left him defeated, and now he realized he needed serious help. To say he was covered in shame and self-loathing would be an understatement.
I listened to Raymond’s story and learned that he grew up an only child, raised by a single mom. To make ends meet, she worked two jobs, leaving her with little time or energy for Raymond.
By fourth grade, he had learned to wash his clothes and cook for himself. He spent several nights a week alone after school and regularly put himself to bed. Television became his main source of comfort.
One night Raymond discovered that he could turn to the adult channels and listen to sexually explicit dialogue. Although the images were blocked out, the voices made him feel confused, excited, and comforted all at the same time.
Soon he discovered masturbation, which he described as so powerful it was like “kissing the face of God.” As he grew into his teenage years and beyond, he traded sexually explicit dialogue for online porn.
My first conversation with Raymond occurred more than ten years ago. Today he is free from sexual compulsion and serves as a minister and counselor to men struggling with their own sexual brokenness.
The beginning of the end of his addiction started when he identified porn as the only way he could experience care and nurturing. It had never occurred to him that beneath his shame-filled porn compulsion there was a hunger and thirst for something legitimate and good.
[bctt tweet=”It had never occurred to him that beneath his shame-filled porn compulsion there was a hunger and thirst for something legitimate and good.”]
Have you ever asked yourself what’s really going on beneath your craving for porn?
What is the longing that lies below your desire for a pleasurable, physical release?
What is your heart’s real desire, the legitimate need desperately crying out to be heard?
Not only can you overcome your compulsive sexual struggles with porn, fantasy, and masturbation, but you can also enjoy life at a level you may have never experienced.
It’s called joy.
Question: What ways have you avoided depending on others?
Adapted from Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle, Michael John Cusick, p. 16-24, Thomas Nelson (2012)