One of the concepts we use at Restoring the Soul to understand feeling stuck is the River of Integration. It was created by Dr. Daniel Siegel, who specializes in the field of interpersonal neurobiology.
That’s a fancy term, but really, it’s a study in understanding how our brains, minds, and relationships work together to create our experience of the world. As therapists, we want to help you understand how all the parts of your life and body affect you as a whole. This is where the idea of “integration” comes in.
What does integration mean when we’re talking about mental health?
Integration is about connecting and bringing together different parts of our lives and being. How do your social connections affect the way your mind works? What sensations in your body connect to emotions you’re feeling? What thoughts might be causing those feelings? How can healthy relationships help us rewire our brains?
When we understand that every part of our life can impact how our brains work, we are more empowered to work toward harmony.
What is the river of integration?
The river of integration helps us visualize our way to harmony:
The banks of rigidity and chaos
Our mental health is like the flow of a river. It’s bounded by two banks: on one side is the bank of rigidity, and on the other is the bank of chaos.
When we are pulled toward the bank of rigidity, we’re avoiding vulnerability. We look for control and power over the events and connections of our lives. When we near the bank of chaos, though, our lives lack structure or boundaries. We are helpless to engage with or control our lives or emotions. We typically lean toward one or the other, depending on the individual.
We need elements of both banks to have structure in our lives, but also to have the surprise of randomness or the unexpected. When we are balanced between the two banks, we’re accepting of the experiences and emotions within and without us, letting the river carry us along.
The five words to describe the river of integration
So what does it look like when we’re able to balance rigidity and chaos? Dr. Siegel uses five words to describe our state of wellbeing when the river is flowing freely:
- Flexible
- Adaptable
- Coherent
- Energized
- Stable
Harmony in the river
When you’re in that flow, you’re optimizing your self-organization and your relationships. The unblocked river represents a place where we don’t have to constantly strive. We don’t have to stay in control, nor do we have to experience the consequences of being in a place of chaos and powerlessness. Differentiated parts of yourself link and become whole.
How can the river of integration help me get unstuck and heal?
There are a lot of reasons we might avoid stepping into the river and letting it carry us. We’re afraid of opening ourselves to the emotions and wounds we might find there. We’re afraid of the vulnerability it takes to trust that we’re loved and welcome.
While the image of jumping into a river is powerful, the concrete way to open yourself to a balance between rigidity and chaos is to lean on those around you. The essence of the river is understanding that no matter what you are experiencing, you have the power to live wholly and freely. To do that, you need help from others to approach your wounds.
It’s also important to understand that accepting grace and love for yourself takes neurological tools. Our brains are powerful, but it takes time and support to rewire them. Right now, it might feel impossible to do anything but control things or ignore them. But as interpersonal neurobiology tells us, there are real ways to help your brain work toward harmony.
This might include things like addressing unresolved trauma, regulating emotions, and understanding your attachments to seek security in your relationships. At Restoring the Soul, our therapists integrate the best practices of mental health with practices from contemplative spirituality. We tailor your intensive to your unique needs as you seek integration and harmony.
Questions to ask yourself
- When life feels overwhelming, do I lean more toward the bank of rigidity or chaos?
- What wounds or emotions might be holding me back from trusting others and myself?
- Who might I be able to lean on to help me step into the river?
Want to learn more? Listen to Restoring the Soul’s podcast episode 266, “Navigating the River of Integration: Overcoming Stuckness and Embracing Vulnerability.”